How to stop worrying what other people think
When it comes to dating worrying about what other people will think can actually become quite debilitating. Do you find yourself on dates and instead of reflecting on whether you like the person sitting in front of you, you are wondering what your parents will say or if they will fit in with your friendship group? Here are some suggestions to help you worry less and enjoy dates more.
The first and most important step is to try and set everyone else’s opinions to one side and ask yourself whether you like the person you are dating or not, regardless of what family or friends might say. This is easier said than done, especially if you have spent your life making choices based on what you think other people will say. The truth of the matter is that your opinion really is the only one that counts and all those opinions going round in your head only serve to confuse matters. Anyone who really cares about you will want you to be happy so it is especially important that you choose to be with someone because you think they are great rather than because you think other people will.
In someone else’s head
The other common problem people have on dates is spending the whole time wondering what their date thinks about them. They try and read every little sign that they are having a good time or whether they are attracted to them. This mental obsession with what is going on in someone else’s head can make for a very uncomfortable date for both parties because you will be anxious and too keen to make a good impression and busy analysing the results of every move you make. While it is natural to want to know whether your date enjoyed your company it is much more important to know whether you enjoyed their’s – something you may not even have considered.
Adjusting the truth to fit
In a bid to be liked some people become very adept at being a chameleon – making themselves fit with whatever company they are in. They may say they are interested in things they are not, laugh at jokes they don’t find funny and even make up life experiences just so the person they are with will like them and want to see them again. This is never going to work in the long run. Think about it. If you give a great sales patter your date may well want to see you again but then you are going to have to keep up the charade – if you get serious and they invite you on a skiing holiday because you told them you love skiing even though you have never been near a piste – then your lies are going to be exposed.
Starting a relationship from a place of dishonesty means it will always have unstable foundations. Be yourself and if that isn’t good enough for the person you are with then maybe they aren’t good enough for you.
Much people pleasing behaviour arises from a feeling that we are not good enough as we are – that we are somehow unacceptable or unlovable. It is important that you acknowledge your own judgements about yourself and instead of fabricating a different version of you that you think people will find more acceptable work with the real you – tackle areas of your life that you are unhappy with such as weight or bad habits and you’re self esteem will rise and your need to hide will lessen. How we think about ourselves is one of the key factors in determining how successful people are in the dating arena – if you don’t think much of yourself how can you expect anyone else to?
There are people at the other end of the spectrum who really don’t seem to care what anybody thinks of them. Sometimes they can seem arrogant or over confident but there is a balance between that and being super sensitive. We want to be aware and considerate of other people’s feelings whilst not caring so much that we feel responsible for everything and unable to be ourselves.
Most people aren’t as judgemental as you might think they are and you are actually doing them a disservice by believing that. See the best in people by not assuming that they see the worst in you.
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